Lost Love

I’m crying right now because the love I presented to my TF… Has been perverted both in his presence and absense by this spirit. 

I don’t want feel like I am being forced to do anything. How do I know my soul mate isnt just some distraction. 

I couldn’t hold my feelings for him….. Without skewed perverted thoughts coming in and beating me down. 

I was in my bathroom crying because of the pain..of absence… And the spirit called me “pathetic”. 

This was before it started making quit my job, turning everything into perverted thoughts, every single one of my family members got sick, my health start to decline because of the stress of not having control over what my mind think or body feels.

I don’t want to be pressured into any particular way ….. Trapped by any particular lover, inauthentically. And that is what this spirit does…. So he can create a “play” that is later imposed with “karma” or “paying” what you did doesn’t matter if it was good or bad. 

I’m sad. That I’m separated from my TF …. Ive cried enough tears …. I’ve been trying not to cry cause I wasn’t sure if it caused a chemical imbalance.

I’m just sad…. That I have accept that my TF does not feel the same about me… More importantly this spirit may be more obessesed with him then I am. Which doesn’t help. Everything I experience is related back to him even if it has nothing to do with him. 

And when I move on from him in the slightest …. Perverted thoughts come back and my “root chakra” is then being terrorized, burned, beaten etc.

I have been trying to hold on to compassion and love through out this whole processes. Holding on so tight for my life…. That I’m not sure what’s in my hands any more. 

I just wish this made sense. 

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