In chains

I am writtng for my life. 

In some ways to maybe make sense of it all. In some ways to account for my experience. 

Because of the energies, I write because I’m never sure if this spirit wants to take my life. Its taken so much…. 

And part of it is letting go, not just of my Twin Flame but of what was… What I had. I miss my job… It was huge part of my joy… My friendships where there, my lifestyle, health. But I need to let go of what was. 

But what…. What remains… 

Is the spiral of thoughts that all lead back to him. Ex. I think “hey this is a pretty picture” , the spirit comes in and says “take it for your TF”. Then I don’t want to take the picture… Its tainted, inauthentic.

I want to either be with him or freed from these chains. Not some in between where my thoughts are constantly being drawn to my TF….and if not my TF then some perverse thought. 

Perverse meaning not only hyper sexual in an already sexualized world but perverse in taking a simple thought or interteraction and twisting it to mean whatever this spirit wants it to mean to an extreme. 

Is this human suffering? One form? 

I was suppose to meet my soul mate today …. And this spirit is trying to make it seem like I’m going to go all the with him… Have sex get married… We already did that… I was simply looking for comfort…a friend… Someone who understands me. 

So there is no need for me to go so far I’m the future. This turned me off from meeting my soul mate…. So I stayed home in isolation yet again. 

I get the plan and motivation and enetgy and then boom… Zapped. 

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