Giving up

I can no longer say I know what’s happening…

Or why…

Or what to name it…

In a way I have to greave the loss of my TF, authentically… Alone…. In private… Not mocked…. Or pursued…  Or shamed by this spirit.

I long for that day of silence.

He triggers me like a machine gun.

I could never know the truth with him in this.

I have to give him up. 

He let go too. 

For silence …. For peace…

I’m left with scars… 

Ones I thought he would heal…

Eventually… 

Didnt matter if I listened to this spirit or not….

The outcome was the same…. 

Pain. 

With more pain… Wrapped up in a blanket called a lesson. 

I wanted to call her karma… 

But pain is pain….

It just hurts.

And wonder if that is all there is?

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