I FEEL

I feel like I’m never going to figure this out!

One moment I think this is a twin flame thing the next I think this alien/spirit interference fucking with me. 

For the most part I feel like this gross energy with me. This is separate from the physical stuff like high blood pressure, headaches, burning my genitals and booty, always tired, ear ringing, popping, random pains through out the body, knocking or being jolted … Feeling sound… Seeing sound…etc. 

I feel like everyone knows the secret but me. I feel like my best is never good enough. 

I feel alone in this because no one will truly understand what I went through because its crazy. Like if my friend told me this shit… I would be like whaaaa? 

I feel helpless. Like I will never reach my goals. It was always hard for me to reachy material world goals…. So I just focused on just really trying to be “a good person” ….. But this energy….. I do not feel like a good person…. Or that it matters if I am.

I cried when I said, I feel like I’m not good enough. Not even for this twin flame thing. My motivation is gone… I create plans that I say the next day I will embark… And I just can’t . 

I mean…. I was helping others and myself…. And I can barely take a shower. The spirit would make fun of me when I would take a shower … Saying no one wanted to see me naked. 

Though I had seen experienced some crazy wild and beautiful mystical things in my life. On 11/11/11 is when I heard the trumpets. This was after being heavily involved in activism. I started seeing the 1111 everywhere. My cousin did as well. I saw symbols and signs all over the place. Soon my partner at the time (soul mate) broke up with me and I lost my job. But I moved and found a job I loved…. And had a lifestyle I enjoyed …. I met my TF …. And then everything went to shit. 

I don’t know what the point of saying all of that. 

I guess I’m constantly looking for answers in all of this. I never tried to contact spirits or anything. 

People say look with in for the answer. And I have only found some scary and confusing shit. 

I’m looking for answers of how I can get my energy back, how I can stop hearing this voice that makes very little sense, how to detach from this energy.

I just feel so GROSS.

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