The Voice/ Spirit and Mortality

So…….. 

The voice calmed down for a bit. I didn’t hear him that much. I felt him the dizziness, headaches, among other indicators. 

But i didnt hear hin quiet as much so I thought I could maybe start getting a piece of my life together. So today I started making a list of what make me happy and some small health goals I wanted to achieve in the next quarter. 

Then POP …. The spirit pops ups up again and says “you are going to die.” Like seriously WTF? 

How can I say this is me. This is my own psychology if I’m over here trying to stay optimistic like my normal self and then this voice comes in and is like “you’re gonna die next year”. 

Considering it told me that my Grandma was going to pass. It does concern me…. I’m in general good health except I smoke and could loose a few pounds. So if I go…. It won’t be because of “natural causes”.

Quit smoking is on my list of things to achieve. As well as loosing weight… But mainly for trying to regain my energy level… And happiness.

I have had many suicdal thoughts through out this “awakening” “kundalini” “schizophrenic episode” , but I didn’t go through with it. I am not necessarily afraid of dying…. However it’s annoying to have this voice/spirit whatever saying “you’re gonna die next year” at the moment I’m actually trying to prepare myself to live and not be on pause. 

I’m unsure of the goal of this spirit/voice/energy/entity. 

I mean I was concerned about running on the treadmill with these heachache I have been having. Like I feel like someone is literally trying to suck my skull into a vacuum. Or like someone hit my head like a gong. So the thought did pass my mind as a concern. 

How do we live a life with out any fear or concern at all? Constant positive thoughts? 

I guess my thought pattern is to think of every possible scenario (good and bad) and hope for the best. Its a defense mechanism. Its a security blanket. Its to prepare myself if the worse happens…. Its to be shocked when the best does happen.

But, yea… Even if it was the “law of attraction” in play… If I (myself) am trying to keep positive thoughts…. (In this world right full of ….. Right) and there is this other voice…. Spirit…. Entity (what feels like outside of me) …. That is running almost the opposite of my nature …. Negative thoughts… Fear base thoughts…. At the same time.. 

 How does the law of attraction work?

Am I then suspended in the middle? Does this block my positivity? 

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