Not Sure How I Feel

I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off after my ex (“twin”) and I broke up. 

Since, I was sent into a spiral down the rabbit hole and I’m looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. Its like being high enjoying the trip for the first hour or so…. Only to be tripping for 8 hours. Mine is going on 2years. 

I’m still trying to figure out if my TF was/is love or lust. Or why it triggered obessesion. I hate feeling like this. I felt like I wasn’t myself in reaction to him. Impulsive and obsessive. 

I’m trying to breathe through it. Unfortunately cigarettes have replaced my air, sugary things my love and sleep my energy. 

I tried to keep an open mind. Hoping that there is a point to this. But I feel like I’m in a loop. One moment maybe for a day I’m like …. Ok… You got this… You can get your life back together… And then…. “Reality” sets in of my current circumstance and I’m like oh… Yea… That. 

I feel so broken and drained idk if even my “twin” could make me feel better…. Even though that is all I longed for during this difficult time.

I researched everything to give a name to this voice and feeling. Twin flame, archon alien attachment, entity, negativity, lower dimentional beings, incubus, ghost, spirit, false twin flame, demon, kundalini awakening, ascension, descension, purging, negative soul ties, soul star chaka, chakra imbalance, repitian brain, spirit husband, good old fashion curse/spell, and the ever so medicated schizophrenia. 

😩

All I know is I feel like shit, not like myself. I know that this thing is not my “(false)/twin flame” while may predict or rather influence, it is not my Ex. 

I feel it on my head, in my chest…. on my genitles. Its hard for me to be social, I feel so weighed down, a lack of energy I’m not use to. To matter how much sleep I get or coffee I drink. 

I tired of feeling like something has a grip on me…. My life.

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