Misery Loves Company

“You still don’t know my name.” He said.

He reminded me that my father once called his sister a dyke ….funny enough I came out when I was 18 as queer and had long lasting and loving relationship with my ex (non-twin) for over 6 years. My parents also kicked me out when I was 19 and I struggled to make it on my own. 

However he still trys to find his way in. I can feel him on my head, or tapping on my body, I feel him doing tingles over my body, or thoughts that are WTF? (Not to say I have my own wtf thoughts).

He wants to go unnoticed like he had before so many times. He wants to see me “loose again” as he said so many times before. That meaning failure in health, job, relationships.

He wanted me to become a religious fanatic so he could “have this God play.” 

Ive steered from Christianity in my life but I have always believed in God and Jesus. My mom, cousin and I actually had an interesting conversation about religion. While we all had different beliefs in one way or another we all believed in God and how beautiful was that. I always questioned a world with out diversity … But Gods plan is bigger than mine.

I wanted to appreciate the entity for showing me wounds but at the same time, there is a point where the process became abusive. 

So this entity is not here for my highest good and found an “in” from the wound created by my “twin flame”. Only taking me down the rabbit hole of every thing I had done wrong since I was a child… And creating new fears. It’s an art. I have to give him that.

He said, “I’m not done.” 

He said “I hope you never have eyes”. I have eyes so I guess he may be talking about my “third eye”. 

I almost stopped believing in God…. Almost lost faith. Still working on strengthening my faith. But this has been daunting. Most post I have read people have asked the entity to leave and it left. But this one. …. Wants to stay and “play”. 

While my curiosity got the best of me… I wanted to know in depth what was happening to me… And how…. And when.. . and why… So many why’s. But I have to give up on complete understanding and for release.

He said everyone is a kook. And that this spiritual stuff is bull.but he wants to keep me in isolation so he can continue to toy with me. “If only you knew how I paid” but he won’t tell me anything. He just keeps talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking… I don’t even talk that much….playing on trauma, fears or curiosity.

Misery loves company….. I just don’t know his name. 

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