Is/ was my twin flame the forbidden fruit? I feel punished for loving a man for the first time. The problem was is I never could understand why I loved him.
I liked his face… A lot actually. I felt really comfortable with him. But …. He was a jerk like every other week and I felt like a secret so….. I lost it.
The voice that I thought was our him said “I love you”, I had known for months that I had feelings for him. This was mainly because we had broken up and I went out on a date or two and both just didn’t feel right. I got even more scared…. That this person might be more important than I feel comfortable with.
I actually tried to tame myself. Not to get mad about just anything… Not to break up at every confrontation. We had about 4 months of where I checked myself. Trying not to trip to hard. And on my ex’s birthday we went to a bar where we got pretty drunk. We were taking a picture and i heard him say “no one cares about me boo hoo”, i quickly asked him who was he speaking to? I forget if he said you or if he said no one. I sat there speechless….. “I….I…I care about you”, even though I love you kept running through my head. I didn’t say it… I didn’t trust it…. It was too soon to tell him out loud. I didn’t want to scare him off.
We had one too many whiskey’s and took a cab ride home and as we were making out I heard him breathing the words “I love you.”. It felt amazing the windows of the cab rolled down, flying down the high way wrapped around my TF.
The next day in when I was preparing to leave his house he said out loud “did you forget to say something” …. I felt like he was trying to get me to say “I love you” out loud first. But I couldn’t. I didn’t understand why I felt the way I did for this person yet.
Hearing “I love you” not verbally threw me so far off that I lost my mind a bit. I wanted to know if it was real. How was I suppose to trust that I had a telepathic connection with someone.
I chose to sit him down to find out where things where going. He you to ask ask “what do you want?” And I would reply “you”. This time I told him I wanted to both give love and receive love” and he replied “there we have a problem” …
I was confused because I had heard him “telepathically” say I love you more than once. But he nor I was willing to say the words.
We later broke up because I did not know how to handle this. I thought I needed to cool down take a break just because I had no idea what was happening. I returned to him 2 weeks later to find that he had moved on. And it crushed me. It ruined me.
Since it was a downward spiral of confusion. This voice, energy continued to act as my ex after we broke up… First seeming sweet and soon spiraling out of control trying to take over my life. “You gave it all up for your ex” the voice said. But really it was this spirit forcing me to. We have free will but there is a fine line between free will and impossible to bare.
I have no idea if this was my twin flame. Or this spirit just incepted to make me feel as if he was the one. I feel like I will never truly know. As much as I have let go…. As much as I tried to heal this spirit will not let me move on from this.
All I can do now is focus on my own healing because I did not think things would end up this way. I did not think I would be toyed with. The spirit says “but hey…. You get this”. Refer to the expierence of hearing him constantly trying exit the matrix of lies.