Are you Married yet? 

Marriage…. Children …. White picket fence was never my priority. Being happy… Healthy….. Hard working and loved and loving was always somethng that I strived for. 

I thought everything else would fall into place. So this voice telling me “you will never get married”, “you get no one” “you will never have children.” “Don’t even look at them””You don’t get a job” “die for your ex” “committe suicide”… “Die of child molestation” this is just not making sense to me. 

So I’m sitting in my parents house… Jobless (because the spirit made me quit), single (because the spirit pretended to be my ex), friendless (cause I then isolated myself) , exhausted from arguing with this spirit in mind ALL day and I am trying to figure out how to rebuild my life.

My mother for the first time in her life said, “I wish there was a marriage or a baby or something, I’m tired of all these funerals.” Still I never felt pressure to obtain these things. Just to work hard and help out the community… And live simple with some comforts here and there.

Before things got bad. The spirit said “you gave it all up for your ex.” 

I never thought it would be this bad. And bad is a state of being…. I say “state of being” because I can’t say “state of mind”, because in general I know that I’m still there somewhere… The optimistic person, with dreams and talent and things to share with the world. So I can’t say this is my state of mind however …. This voice … Is my state of being …. altering it … With negativity…. Trying to convince me of soo many lies. So many.

So I was never pressured to marry or have children. So I’m not sure why this is the main topic of this spirit. Or why extremities were taken.

He just said, “extremities were taken because I know how to curse one.”, “How powerful am I?””Go all the way home (kill yourself)””I will curse everyone” 

It’s been hard because I have to hear all of this while mourning my grandmother.


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