After my “ex” and I broke up last year I cried for months. It was maybe about 6 months straight of crying everyday. I would go to work . . smile…. Do my job (which I loved), go home and cry with a bag of honey barbeque chips, apple juice and 4 cigarettes. Pretty much everyday.
I tried working out and dating other people but nothing would shake the feeling. Nothing. I thought some spell was casted on me…. That I had been hypnotised into constantly thinking about this person. Which had never happened (at least for this long). I went from looking up how to heal after a break up on youtube, then came across dating a narcissist. When researching narcasism I saw some traits in my ex but also in me too. So it was hard to pin point why I had fallen under this spell.
Soon after I came across the Twin Flame thing. It made sense in some way. Heart wrenching pain of loosing a partner. “Energy” feels updates. Etc. I used this as a way to navigate the harsh emotions. To heal.. Forgive, forgive myself too. But it still didn’t shake.
In December 2015 there was some sort of TF energy build up…. I had hoped it was a sign that my “TF” would soon return. I had went on a date … Mainly to get my mind off this and a voice that I would soon get to know said “she’s sucking karmas dick now!”
I had no idea… Why my date “said” that. I thought maybe he was talking about his ex…. He seemed broken too.But I took it with a grain of salt.
I didn’t know that I would go so far down the rabbit hole into the intestines of hell. From my expierences at my job, parents house… Pretty much every where I went… Became a deep deep hallucination.
It went from everybody in the world to then just one voice. One voice that wouldn’t shut up…. One voice that I realized had been there nawing and taunting me …. waiting for me to fuck up for over 10 years, just so he can “play”.
So the first man that I fell in love with…. The man that I thought I heard telepathically said “I love you” …. Wasn’t this voice… It wasn’t him.
One day I said in my my mind “if you can hear me, tell me you owe your friend money” laying down on the bed and kind of perplexed he said “I owe her money”.
Who is this voice? This voice that has put me through hell …. That has played with my emotions, my mind, my body. Who has burned my breast and genitals for fun. Who said he is “absolved of sin”?
Not God…. No where close.
I had even gone on to believe that this spirit was maybe my twin flame. That he was jealous that I was in love with any other. I had even read something about “spirit husband” which is an entity or an incubus type spirit that attaches itself to a woman, never allowing her to have a meaningful relationship and causing sadness in her life.
When I moved to my parents house the spirit would come to me at night acting as if he was my ex. He would try to sexually arouse me through “curses”. At first I though it was romantic… Thinking I had a special connection to my “twin flame”. Then I told him to leave me alone to stop being sexual with me (because it wasnt real and i needed to move on) and then he lost his “mind”…..and soon to follow try to take whatever I had left.
He acted as everybody else…. Pushing everyone and almost everything out of my life…. Only to find it was just ONE. He was one spirit…. Fucking with me… And I have still yet to understand why or how to get rid of it.
I went through every possible scenario or explanation as to why this was happening. Only to be left more hurt…. More confused … More exhausted.
Are twin flame seperation due to entities that intercept?
Are twin flames intense feelings of pain and lose due to a spirit that attaches to us? Is the twin flame even real… Or is it just a spirit trying to keep us from the love and joy we all deserve. Planting seeds of regret, shame…. Negative thoughts, yearning …thoughts that are unlike our nature so that we can’t flow in our own energy.
Everyone says “learn to let go” and some take it even further to say, “let go and let God”. And sometimes it is beyond our own control to let go. And maybe forgiveness isnt just of the parties (people) involved … But the entities… Spirits that have caused havok and chaos not only in our lives but in the world.
I’m still trying to figure this out. I just know this spirit is unwelcomed.