Motherhood

I never thought of myself as a mother. Mainly because I was told at a young age that I would not be able to because of PCOS which is a harmonal and reproductive imbalance mainly due to a lot of the chemicals in foods. 

“I got your Ori (head)!”

“You will never be a mommy”

I never disliked children…. But because of PCOS I just lived accepted the fact I probably would never have children. Children were never on my priority list. Love first. Self love…love for family friends, lovers and community. 

And this place I am ….. in took it all away. Taunted for everything I am or not.

“You are not pretty in anyway.” The voice says. Even though my confidence was mild. I kinda never cared how I looked, just did the best with what I got. I started loosing weight and got my period after a decade of only having it once a year. 

I felt healthy or at least on the path to being healthy. Then last year everything went spiraling down. And this spirit what ever it is came out and said BOO in the most unfair way. 

If I knew I would never be a mother …. And it never truly bother me. Why would this spirit taunt me? 

“You will never ever get your ex (“twin flame”) back.” 

Other thing I accepted through much pain and mistakes. Ive paid for my”mistake” longer than I was actually with him.

The back and forth the up and down. I will never truly understand. I will never truly understand this…. All I can pray for is healing from this expierence… And an end…. Relief. 

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