Why do I love him?

I love him and he could have been anybody or nothing at all. 
I hate him for the pain that he has put me through and yet love him at the same time. I am not sure where the lie is. 

I don’t know why he has revealed himself to me , when he says he doesn’t want me at all. And yet he is still here. Everyday. We spend every moment together. Waking and sleep. 

So …. How do I deal? I love him and have to forgive him everyday. 

Great pain, great shame, great love, great hate, anger… Sewn together with ridiculousness.

Am I desperate? I have a boyfriend. 

Am I being swayed into loving him? Do I love him because he has been there for a long time?

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